SOME OF MY FAVOURITE HUMOROUS QUOTES

"Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope."
Bill Cosby

"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized." Fred Allen


"Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them." H.L. Mencken

"I am lucky to have good Polish skin that doesn't wrinkle so I might be around for a few years yet." Ruby Wax

"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."
Bill Cosby

Four Seasons in a Day does Not Maketh Summer

Well, my hungry followers – how are you today?

I don’t know about how it is faring in your part of the world, but we are still having four seasons in one day in Sunny/Grey maybe I’m hot or let’s go luke warm old London. I have a tendency not to be fooled by the weather anymore especially from an experience I had last year so now I always have tucked away within the deep recess of my handbag, an extra vest or cardigan. Now, I can do “cold” believe me, but I need to be warm, to do “cold”, if you catch my drift.

I remember last year there was a time when the sun had risen to a most splendid hue of golden orange and it was quite warm. I, in folly, upon looking out of my bedroom window and thinking summer had finally arrived, had hastened out of my place of abode, with a delightful skip, hop and a jump. Oh, how the sun had caught my naked skin as I bared my arms and my stocking free legs to the world. I remember looking down at my legs thinking, I had better shave the old legs, for they looked quite hairy. But by the afternoon, there was no point in thinking about shaving nor sun cream as the sun had died a rather slow wintry death and I had to scramble into the nearest High Street Shop to purchase a woolly.

I am always amused at how the masses hit the parks and any open space really, just to try to catch that bit of sun so they can waltz home that evening either sporting a rather golden orange hue or shivering their pants off as temperatures dip into winter mode. Yet the sun certainly does something to our spirits and souls. It brings everyone alive. Do you realise how nice people are to each other or should I say nicer, more friendly and welcoming? When the sun is out? All this road rage rubbish (just another excuse for a punch up with the beer) seems to just fly out of the window when the sun is up, check out the below scenarios:

WINTER SCENARIO - A guy walks to the centre of the road and stands there, checking out some hussy as she sassays her half naked self along. Being male, he is obviously in a state of trauma and shock, unable to move or even think (which I am sure is not so hard to do). There is now a tail back of traffic for at least 1 mile. People are cursing him, horns are honking and my man is in a world of his own. He turns around and gives them a few blinding words with a couple of victory signs. The temperature starts to build - people are getting angry, one man gets out of his car with a pole, another man gets out of his car with a baseball bat, another man gets out of his car with a chain, one female gets out of her car with lipstick in hand. The threats rise, anger boils and builds and Mista Man is still on Cloud 75, because he ain’t moving for no-one.

SUMMER SCENARIO - A guy walks to the centre of the road and stands there, checking out some hussy as she sassays her half naked self along. Being male, he is obviously in a state of trauma and shock, unable to move or even think (which I am sure is not so hard to do). Traffic is building up – It’s hot inside the cars, temperatures are rising. Men get out of their cars and begin to strip down, staring at anything that is remotely clad in anything that resembles nudity. They smile and wave at the guy who has stopped the traffic. “Wanna beer” someone shouts. “Yeah, sounds good” another offers. Traffic is a now about 5 miles long

I can’t quite remember where I was heading with this story actually, that really sucks, doesn’t it, other than to say keep it warm and enjoy what little bit of sun might escape through the clouds. You could always catch a tan in some seedy place marked “Massage Parlour”

Has My Humour Dried Up?

My Dear Followers

May I stealthily approach you regarding my absence of late. Or maybe I need to approach you humbly but that’s as far as I am going to take this, otherwise, I may take on your feelings of guilt and end up dragging my carcass to sit at your feet subserviently. And peeps, I am not that apologetic.

Now, I feel many of you may, due to feelings of neglect which have turned to bitterness, resentment, loneliness, blah, blah, blah may feel that you no longer wish to be entertained by my good self. Hmm, reminds me of that saying about a woman scorned!! You may even wish to cut me off from your mailing list, disconnect me from your “favourites” box, delete my name from your memory, obliterate my picture which adorns every crevice of your home, even throw darts. I know that this is simply because you are suffering from withdrawal symptoms and that you love me dearly, yet you are highly unlikely to be honest enough to admit that you have missed me and my words of encouragement and sometimes silly and rather stupid meanderings. But that’s ok, because I still lurv you. (So she says with a bitter sweet taste in her mouth).

I guess another reason, other than been busier than Obama and his gorgeous wife is that I have nothing truly comical to impart to you anymore. Has the humour dried up you may well ponder, whilst thinking, she’s stalling for time, she’s bluffing because she truly has nothing to say, the dried up old tart. Well you may be right. The sense of humour I once owned, seems to have disappeared or maybe it’s just shifted slightly to a more drier form of wit, one that would bore you into slumber.

Maybe this is be a hormonal thing. What with being over 40 and all that, and watching as gravity shifts body parts into places that cause great discomfort and hang in a totally new and hapless way. What with watching friends and family around you degenerate from happy go lucky, slap on the back “looking good” people to lifeless shadows of their former selves, disgruntled, older, greyer, wider, rounder, more miserable, always doing the complaining thang, always doing the “I wish I had” thang – like I really care – shoulda, woulda, coulda I say. Yep this would certainly dis-empower anyone’s sense of humour. Yet, I am glad to say, I am not so easily manipulated by other people's moods and feelings, so therefore I can only blame this whole lack of communication and interaction with your good selves on my lack of motivation. There that will shut you all up for now.

So for now, I will leave you to ponder carefully as to whether you truly wish me to continue in this vainless and hapless babble of confusion and non-directional wit. Maybe you should try Youtube. I hear there is much there to laugh about, but you will never find the wit truly the same as on Laugh At Life With Me and I can assure you, I feel that very soon, I may break into a whole chorous of laughter which I will then explode onto my blog and there is the possibility that you will never have laughed so hard in your life and you will berate your naughty selves for ever thinking me boring and hapless in the first place.

So until I feel to grace you with my presence again, this side of Christmas 2009, taa, tar until whenever….

MY FRANK AND HONEST TRUTH - NOT

Hello Peeps

I do apologise if you are now rapidly heading down the slippery slope towards causing an allegiance with the whiskey bottle due to my absence on this site. I realise many of you must be on the brink of going into withdrawal symptoms. But rest assured, I am here now and will not leave you for the next 15 minutes or so.

It certainly has been a while, since I have put thoughts to computer and I simply must stop making excuses for why I cannot update my blog at least once a week, or at a push every fortnight. Maybe if I got paid to spend time racking my brain to entertain the masses, when I could be out making money to feed my children, at least this could be some sort of reward. But alas, I have taken it upon my own good self to offer this service, totally free of charge out of the goodness of my heart, so I will have to shove “Ego” and “arrogance” back into their dark hole and just get on with the matter at hand.

Well, if you take a look at my inspirational blog http://www.emotionsintransit.blogspot.com, you will see that I have written a piece there about being frank about my emotional truth. You will see that I have struggled with feelings of anger and resentment of late, which were geared towards a relative of mine, therefore I will deem to take a rather comical look at the situation from this end. Forget the niceties of the spiritual kind on “Laugh at life with me” – If I really want to get honest and frank about things – this is the place for it all to happen, in the context of humour’s glorious entrapping. The truth, somehow doesn’t seem to hurt so much when wrapped up in a laugh or two.

Yes, I did struggle with my feelings to remain cordial to this said individual for a few months. Do not think that feelings of destruction often railed up within me such as thoughts of throwing something through the air at a very rapid pace, with the intent to cause damage to a said part of the individual’s body. Or indeed, to hope that the chair upon which the said individual was sitting upon would somehow loose all hope of existing and cave under her weight, sending her crashing to the floor, whereupon I would be tempted to walk over and give her a good kick in the ribs. Oh dear, you see there I go, see what you have made me do. Terrible, terrible of me. And there I was, as I mentioned on my inspirational blog, walking around all coy and innocent, standing for purity and honesty reading “The Essence of Buddha, The Path to Enlightenment” of all books, whilst having these dastardly thoughts in my mind.

Oh hypocrite, I hear some of you murmur. Well indeed you are quite right and further more the most violent of thoughts came when I was sleeping. How absurd. Even during a time when the mind should be at rest and peace, the evil in me presented its wicked self even more. I am not saying I gloated at being in this rather negative place, but at times yes, it did feel good, especially as I would watch this said individual waddle around attired in night robe for the best part of the day…eat, sleep, watch tv and give orders – what a pig of a person I thought. Alas, this therefore identified that I had some serious issues to deal with myself, but because I was being all pig ignorant and had chosen to blame someone else for what I really knew I should be dealing with…which was to kick her asp to the curb…..oh dear there I go again. This is not what I meant. What I meant to say was…….I knew I should be dealing with moi, Me, Je, I.

Yet looking at someone else and blaming them for short-comings is in a way very very childish and naughty. But like I said, Laugh at Life is just about that. No need to be too concerned about the niceties and realities of how life should operate.

So to end, I say, yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s nice and all that to be spiritually connected and to walk the talk, but sometimes don’t you just want to be with the 95% of the masses whose thoughts are 75% negative and who the glass as half empty ratherthan half full and then you have the delight of moaning and complaining and bitching about everything and experiencing life in a really depressing and monotone way – yep sounds just up my street, well for a short period anyways.

Until next time